Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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