i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
