I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
