I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
