dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
