i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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