Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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