I think I died a long time ago.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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