My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
