i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
