i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
