I cannot find my penis.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
