I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
