I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
