swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
