I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
