watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
