By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
