Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
