I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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