She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
