I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
