Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
