I bet he comes in French.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
