The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
