He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My cat gives me a boner
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
