I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
