I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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