do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
