my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
