last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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