Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
