Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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