Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
