There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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