Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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