I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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