i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
