if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she looked like the before picture.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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