i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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