if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
