Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
