i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
