hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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