Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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