I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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