he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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