my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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