the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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