I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
