i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
